Soak Him In
Ugly, stupid, worthless…
Why can’t you be like….
Nobody likes you…
Your life is pointless…
They all think you’re nothing…nothing….
The enemy whispers his lies and gets you right where he wants you… so consumed with self-defeating, inadequate, useless thoughts.
You are such a mess, so insecure, so unhealthy…in such a dark, lonely place… so consumed with yourself that you aren’t good to anyone.
That was my story too. I had so little value in myself. I’d look in the mirror and be so upset with how I looked. I compared myself to others all the time, never measuring up.
In my relationships and interactions with boys, I put myself in situations that made me uncomfortable and compromised what I felt was right because I wanted to be accepted. In relationships, these feelings and actions became poison to me and my partner.
I made horrible accusations on a constant basis, I would hit my body so hard I left bruises, I would hit and lash out at him, pushing him to the limit where he would strangle and hit me too, leading to divorce in my first marriage and almost a divorce for my second marriage.
It was like a cancer that spread out of control, affecting the lives of those around me as well. I just couldn’t break free.
After 3 separations in my second marriage, someone encouraged me to see a minister, and my journey of healing began. The minister I went to, suggested a couple Christian books (Telling Yourself the Truth and For Better or Best) and I went out and bought them.
As I read, I learned a lot about the lies I had been feeding myself all these years. Believing lies that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, loved enough… The veil lifted from my eyes and though I was dirty, unworthy and full of sin – Jesus with His everlasting, undying love shined His love into my life.
The truth sunk into my heart and mind. I gave my life over to Christ. He rescued me through His death on the cross and resurrection from that death. He changed me!
God desired only the best for me – total and absolute security and freedom. He didn’t want me to feel ugly, unwanted, rejected, or to be full of fear about what others felt about me. He didn’t want me comparing myself with others.
God wanted me to discover and embrace my special, unique qualities both inwardly and outwardly, not looking to man to fulfill a need that only He can fill.
Satan loves to attack the mind; he loves us to be self-focused. When I was first taught that insecurity was selfish, I was taken aback, because in my mind I was always making everyone else better than myself.
I realize now that when I’m focused so much on myself, my feelings, my pains it makes me feel so inadequate that it hinders everything I do and takes my mind off of fully loving and caring for others . . . it affected the way I related to others and spread anger, frustration, unrest instead of the light, love and care I so desired to spread.
I don’t want that; I don’t want to be in that place!
It’s so important and vital to see ourselves through the eyes of God.
We were created in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).
We are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14).
God loves us, He demonstrated His own love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
God so loved the world that he gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life (John 3:16).
That is great, sacrificial love!
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10).
We are saved, redeemed by the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. We have great value and purpose; we are meant to flourish and shine in this dark world!
We love because He first loved us (1 John 4:19) and we are called to love God and others (Matthew 22:37-39) . . . part of that love is loving yourself!
We can’t love God and others well if we don’t love ourselves…the very creation God made and died for. When you realize how much He loves you, when it really hits your heart, it changes everything!
Even as a Christian, having the Holy Spirit, knowing these truths, the enemy comes in strong… prowling… with his lies and for me, my insecurities surfaced in different ways.
I felt everyone was a better Christian, better wife, better mom, better at giving, better at being kind… I was complaining, frustrated and getting angry on a regular basis… I felt that the service I did give the Lord wasn’t good enough, wasn’t producing fruit.
Jesus had to keep showing me through His Holy Spirit that His love for me wasn’t something I needed to earn that it’s not something attained by me trying really hard and attempting to do His will in my own strength and power. I lived out my Christian walk like this for a long time.
I learned to just enjoy Jesus. My most intimate, significant moments with the Lord came when I was just singing and praising Him… there is a trust that is built, a natural, beautiful relationship fashioned and a knowing that no matter what happens everything will be ok.
Let’s delight in Jesus in all times, in all situations – to give Him our worship, our thankfulness, our prayers and joyfulness… as we take to heart His love for us, as we are at peace with who God created us to be, as we embrace how special and unique we are in His sight, it sparks our desire to love, worship and obey Him… and you are ready to live for Him, to take all that love and share it with others out of a pure desire to shine Christ the Light of the World. Soaking Him in allows us to shine out!
Shine Him Out
God created each of us so uniquely…you have gifts, personality, and life experiences to touch this world in a way that no one else can. So, use these to fulfill the special role you were created for, the purpose which will drive your life to shine Jesus to others!
Take time and write down what you’re good at, what you enjoy, write down your passions and desires and write about your personality traits. If you have difficulty figuring this out, take a spiritual gift inventory and personality test.
The combination of your personality, gifts, and experiences make you unique and can help you pinpoint how God wants to use you. If you’ve taken the tests, get them out and look at them and plan what you’ll do with it.
Make a list of I am statements. Put I am statements on promises of God or qualities that you have or want to acquire.
Here’s a list to get you started.
I spread out my hands to You, my soul thirsts for You!
I am NOT in control, God is!
I am loved by God
I am victorious
I am a daughter of the King of Kings and Lord of Lords
I am beautifully and wonderfully made
I am crucifying my sinful nature
I am loving
I am joyful
I am peaceful
I am patient
I am kind
I am good
I am faithful
I am gentle
I am self controlled
I am full of grace & mercy
I am surrendered & trusting
I am present
I am thankful
I am encouraging
I speak only words of life
My words & the meditation of my heart are pleasing to the Lord
I rejoice in suffering as it produces endurance, character, hope (Romans 5:3-5)
I am generous
I am energetic
I am helpful
I will not become weary from doing good
I have a beautiful smile
Even though (this bad thing is happening), I will praise the Lord
THERE IS NO ONE LIKE YOU! Remember that, it’s a beautiful thing! This world needs YOU!
Prayer
Dear Heavenly Father, please help me to know and trust how much You love me. You love me so much You gave Your very life for mine. Help me to rest in You, to experience Your love, hope and joy and share it with others out of my love for You and You alone, not for the acclaim of the world. Help me to set worldly desires and worries aside and live for You. In Jesus name, Amen.
RESOURCES FROM THIS ARTICLE
My desire is that you don’t just read an article and walk away. I pray you live it out. I also desire us to have community. That we can share our challenges and questions. Please take time to share here. If you have a question, a challenge, a testimony to share, a prayer need or an encouragement to offer, please write it here. Have fun and create a name you’d like to go by. Let’s help one another out, be there for one another along this journey.